- News organizations all over announce a change in their slogans from "fair, accurate, and balanced reporting" to "if it's shocking, we show it, even if it's just rumor and never really happened."
- The two major political parties announce they don't care about the issues, as long as the money keeps rolling in and they disagree with whatever the other side says.
- Senators admit they haven't looked at the Constitution since high school. In fact, all branches of government admit they haven't looked at it.
- Citizens all over admit they don't care if gasoline costs $20/gallon as long as they can stuff their entire house in their SUV.
- Environmentalists admit some exaggeration.
- Scientists admit they're not historians, they just didn't want their funding pulled.
- Computer programmers admit they're not really interested in automating your life, they just want cash. (And this is my own field - I see it all too often
)
- English teachers everywhere announce that they're not really following business practices, and didn't realize your boss just wants a simple single page report.
- The RIAA announces that, due to not being needed anymore, they're closing their doors.
- Email software writers announce a new protocol and begin phasing out SMTP.
- Google announces a new privacy policy: "Everything that touches our servers is public domain." They also withdraw the "do no evil" clause from their website and replace it with "we hand everything to any business that pays us."
