Please put something else, that's a bit wrong.

...I once visited my Neighbour with an antique warhammer and smashed his brains out for raping my garden gnome. Once I realised what I had done, I walked back to my garage and came out later with a Panzer tank which I used to shell the crap out of his home. Soon after, I attempted an attack on...

*Sighs*

...my friend once banged a nail into my eye by accident. I started screaming as blood spurted everywhere, and my friend quickly called me an ambulance. I was on the floor by now, bleeding all over the cat while my friend kept shouting "You're an ambulance! You're an ambulance! You're an ambulance!". Suddenly, the door burst open and...

...damn, is my boob that messed up? I thought there would at least be a few cuts and bruises but it looks like I stuffed a grenade in there... oh my god, my tatoo! It's back?! *turns to surgeon* I'll kill you, you crazy son of a beeyatch!!". She grabs hold of a nearby knife and totally screws his face up, causing the surgeon to break his back while falling, followed by crying his eyes out (literally). The kid takes an RPG from no-where, aims at the surgeon, but shoots himself in the foot by accident, causing an explosion of red fluid all over a conveniently placed cat. Following this, the bed the woman is lying on suddenly retracts and crushes her like 100 tomatoes in a... retractable bed.

In quick succession, the floor collapses into the ground as...

..DIES... then someone shouts "in your face, Bush!!" which is weird considering they're dead now...

... throwing shoes at politicians and presidents has become popular and now internationally recongnised sport.  Those who seem to benifit most from this new sport seem to be those with steel capped boots, which have gained acceptance from the Olympic commitee responsible for selecting which politicians are to be the targets for the upcoming World Championships...