Captain Jack Sparrow Captain Jack Sparrow

G.R.O.S.S. communication thread.

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G.R.O.S.S. communication thread.

from Stardock Forums
Cringe in fear do gooders. The G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy alienS) empire is now formed. In less than an hour we have jumped 95 other Pacifist Doo Gooder victim empires and lept into 40th out of 135 ranked.

We are an evil empire bent on controlling everything and showing all the other empires out there who's boss. US. Are you listening Euro-"Oh lets let everyone be a senator and give em a vote doo gooder democracy alliance?" We come for you.

For a limited time, (untill I decide otherwise) 5 Pure Evil games, (or just impressing me with your game evilness) submitted will get you a Senatorship. Later, being the evil empire pyramid scheme we are, it will take 10. Of course, being the evil empire we are, that gives you no benefits, no pay, but all the alien carnage you crave most.

Now we do realize that sometimes, you just have to fake being good. You sometimes just have to infiltrate that pacifist party. We understand. But we aren't a kinder gentler empire and don't let their pacifism go to your head. And just sometimes, you gotta let the Aliens live (where else would you find slaves for the heavy metal lava mines?)

In the future, we shall update each other in the empire via this thread, brag of our conquests, drink blood wine, and generally just poke fun (creatively and humorously) at those players whom we find to be too goody goodyish.

Our mottos.

G.R.O.S.S. Where being good is merely a temporary strategy.

Just win baby.

Here's your ration of skin you do gooder wimp Drengin slime. Now get back to work

EBZeroMatrix you have been made a senator.

I repeat. Cringe in fear, we come for you.





92,131 views 3,706 replies
Reply #1576 from Stardock Forums Top
The Real G.R.O.S.S.: Episode 64

Movie Blues

Pontius returned from the video store with empty hands. Both “102 Dalmatians” and “Spy Kids” were rented out. He paused before he entered his home. Without videos, what could he possible do with his family?!?!

“Back so soon, Wigglewam?” Mrs. Pilot asked with a warm smile (and a rolled up newspaper behind her back).

“Oh... silly me. I forgot to pick up some more vids. Be right back, Smoochums.” Pontius was a fast thinker whenever in a tight spot. Surely one of those movies was in the next county over.

Movie Blues - Down Under

Wombat returned from the video store with empty paws. Both “Ice Age” and “The Rugrats in Paris” were rented out. He paused before he entered his home. Without videos, what could he possible do with his family?!?!

“Back so soon, Fuzziwuz?” Mrs. Wombat asked with a warm smile (and a cooking mallet behind her back).

“Woops! I left without even grabbing a couple more vids. Be back in a jiff, Sweetipeez.” Wombat was a fast thinker whenever in a tight spot. Surely one of those movies was in the next town over.

It’s a Bachelor’s Life for Us!

“Wendy’s?”

“No. KFC?”

“Nah. Burger King?”

“Yuck. McDonald’s?”

“Oh please. Arby’s?”

“Uh uh. Roy Roger’s?”

“Closed. Chick-fil-A?”

“No! Taco Bell?”

EBZ and Kit had to hurry! If they couldn’t decide before midnight, they wouldn’t get breakfast!

The Dread Morning

One glass too many... perhaps three or four, the koala and the penguin occupied separate bathrooms of the unfamiliar domicile.

The penguin yelled across the hallway, “you have a lovely home, Killa!”

“Shshshshshsh! Don’t yell.” The koala heaved into the toilet twice. “And we’re at your place, Hurls.”

“No.” A solitary heave from the penguin. “Definitely yours.”

“Shshshshshsh! Stop screaming.” A sip of water was in order. The koala didn’t care much for dry heaving. “Well wherever we are, you’re not spewing into the trash can again are ya?”

“I can’t tell. My eyes won’t open,” the penguin responded before a spat of barfing.

roll credits

Tune in for the next episode of The Real G.R.O.S.S. when Kit and the Killa are confronted by a surprising discovery - macaroni tastes awful with dijon mustard!

(edit: typos)

[Message Edited]
Reply #1577 from Stardock Forums Top
Family spent last night sitting down to Star Trek: Nemesis...not bad at all. Pontius is obviously married with children (me too) - you see a lot of the video store in that phase of life....
End of quote


Ahhhh I will have to rent that.
TouchTasks - Access tasks with ease on Windows touchscreens.
Reply #1579 from Stardock Forums Top
Enter the Dweeb

After the latest haul from Hobart, the Pegasus met up with the Doom and Wild Wombat strode up the gangplank to undertake his formal orientation. He stumbled on the last step, crashing into KitWarrior.

"Welcome to the Doom, boys!" Kit showed them to the small galley, alongside the spacious and attractive fully serviced bar. Wombat rushed to take in the alcoholic ambiance, but stood on Koala's paw in the process.

Kit explained the purpose of the indoctrination, and Wombat was so excited expounding on his chances of success that he ended up sweeping Hurley's martini into his lap.

"WOMBAT!" they all cried. "Take off that eyepatch!!"

The wild one reluctantly took off his pirate eyepatch and folded it away in his pocket. He resolved to practice more with it, as he thought he looked rather dashing, and after all - pirates wore eyepatches, didn't they?

The Long and Winding Dweeb

EBZ took Wombat aside and led him down to the armoury. "I understand that you, like me, enjoy taking your Metaverse triumphs in small, bite-size pieces." said EBZ. "You will be my disciple in this, Wombat. You will play until the streets run with blue Altarian blood...yes, the Altarian scum..." EBZ's face twisted with rage; his eyes glazed over - struggling for breath, he panted: "...rage...taking...over...medic...cupboard..."

Wombat reached inside the cupboard - and found only a bottle of Jack Daniels. He quickly brought it to the champion's mouth, and after a few swallows, EBZ was again able to speak. Wombat put the bottle back in the cupboard. EBZ tapped a few keys on the compu-thingy.

"You see, Wombat? In the time it took you to put that bottle away, I completed ANOTHER 10,000 point small game. You will learn this skill. But you will also need to be well armed - and I have a gift for you."

EBZ presented Wombat with a laser cutlass; a finely forged glittering instrument of destruction. Wombat proudly whipped it into the scabbard at his right hip. Unfortunately, EBZ had not yet given him a scabbard, and he had pierced a hole right through his best pair of jeans. He could also feel a squelchy sensation between the toes of his right foot, but he was too brave to look down.

EBZ sighed slowly, and took another swig from the bottle. "Remember - we be da crrranking bruvvers, mon! Now go and make me proud!"

The Once and Future Dweeb

Staffa looked straight at Wild Wombat. "It falls to me to give you the best preparation we can for the battles that lie ahead." Staffa revealed a portable DVD-thingy and pressed his thumb onto the security lock that activated the device. "This contains the collected strategy from all the GROSS masters over the generations, from EBZ, Coffeedragon, Pontius, Gerakken, myself and many others. It is: THE BIG BOOK OF GROSS. Wombat...Wombat...WAKE UP!!!"

Wombat stirred himself. :S-s-sorry Staffa, I just got a bit lost after that...strakay...stretigggy...I'm just not sure..."

Staffa sighed. "That is all, Wombat. You may go."

Wombat was slightly disappointed, as he felt he was really coming to grips with the technical equipment on the Pegasus. Mind you, everyone raved about the CD-burner, and Wombat didn't think it made very good toast.

I can't get no Dweeb

Wombat was in his cabin when he heard the voice. "Well Wombat, it is time you learned what the Spymaster can do for you."

"WOW!" said Wombat. "I mean, I can hear your voice, but can't detect you anywhere! You really ARE the master spy, aren't you! All those times I thought I had you - exploding sheep, drop bears, gangsta-bananas, ninja-Wiggles - and you were always a step ahead of me! I am deeply honoured by your skills, great Spymaster...tell me more!"

"Wombat."

"Yes, Gerakken?"

"Wombat...pirates don't usually wear two eyepatches at once."

"Oh." Wombat took off the eyepatches he had been practising with, and looked into the eyes of the Spymaster. The Spymaster sighed, patted his new recruit on the shoulder, and left the cabin quietly.

All Dweebs lead to here

Wild Wombat strolled down the corridor to Pontius' cabin. The great man was sitting behind his desk, idly tossing a autographed baseball that normally rested in a small stand. "Wombat...you need to understand what it takes to lead a successful franchise. See that large red lever beside you?"

Without further ado, Wombat pulled the big red lever back and forward.

"Humph...yes. Fortunately, that is a practice lever that I installed for Gerakken. When he gets tense about command, I let him come in here and practice with the large red lever - Wombat! Wipe that smirk off your face! - because he never knows when he will have to pull it for real."

"This will complete your initial orientation, Wombat - there are many others for you to meet here...our female staff, Cypher, Darth Bob, the whole gang...and of course...your medical with Dr. Quinn...[he shuddered at this]...but that will do for now. We were very pleased with that excellent Tasmanian beer you dropped off, although you can keep the wine. Now go - and carry GROSS to victory across the Metaverse!!"

Pontius and Gerakken watched as the Pegasus grew smaller in their scanners.
Reply #1581 from Stardock Forums Top
Nevertheless, Pontius got back to his paperwork. The weekly board reports were due to Pirate Central and if he didn't get them done, his AZZ was Grazz and they'd be the weed eater. There were also the false Patents to falsely register for sale. And the fuel reports, the new tech discoveries to report. And there was the hell to pay (10 forms all in triplicate) for the unauthorized Transformer Lever bit. But Pontius knew since it saved the fleet from destruction, The Doom had transformed back to the doom, and the Pirates retook the lead, central would overlook that for now. This was not even counting the meta, and the real creation of the empire backstories to write, send the pictures to kit for the website, and to finish off the story of the affiliation of the south seas pirates. Pontius checked the roster. Yes it was time for the weekly top 25 board reports. And the Top 100 allignment and main report due wednesday. Ahh a Pirate Capn's paperwork is never done. What I wouldn't give for a real Cutlass, Sabre, or even a Rapier battle he thought. Nevertheless, he bogged down and filed the weekly top 25 board report.

Summary.
G.R.O.S.S. still holds the top spot on 4 of the 8 boards that can be displayed. A dominating performance. Also, 10 in the top 25 on the evil board sets a record for any empire on any board. Well Done EVeryone!!!!! We have some new faces who have worked hard to break into the top 25. Congrats. And we have some new members yet old faces and friends to joyfully report too.

Gigantic.
1. Pontius Bruin Pilot
2. Staffa
5. Hurley
13. Black Smoke
24. Kit Warrior

Large
17. Stealth Frequency
19. Staffa

Medium
8. Pontius Bruin Pilot
9. Cypher Pax.

Small
1. EBZero Matrix
2. Wild Wombat
23. Sixtoes
24. Killa Koala

Tiny
4. Staffa
19. Ice Mole
22. Killa Koala

Good
6. Hurley
8. Pontius Bruin Pilot

Neutral
1. Pontius Bruin pilot.

Evil
1. Staffa
2. EBZeroMatrix
5. Pontius Bruin pilot
7. Kit Warrior
12. Ice Mole
13. Sixtoes
17. Landrew
21. Wild Wombat
22. Killa Koala
25. Cypher Pax.


Well done everyone. We have a presence on every board. Now lets go DOMINATE!!!!! hehe.

Reply #1582 from Stardock Forums Top
EBZ's anger just increased as he looked at his "morally superior" foe taunting him over the comm link. "We knew the path to moral enlightenment when humans were discovering fire. We have known about interstellar travel since the first human tribes abandoned nomadic lifestyles in favor of settling down to grow crops," the Altarian woman said. "We helped you stem disease and poverty, and we helped humanity realize a true and lasting period of peace while in the Council. We can lead you down a better path, but you must stop rebelling against our supreme ways."

The enraged pirate's face was a dark shade of red and looked like he was going to have a stroke. EBZ was shaking in rage and could handle no more. Now billions of Altarians would pay with their lives as moral superiority was pitted against the pirate warlord's display of raw, brutal, violent power. It may now be too late for the Altarians to save any other souls than their own. But that does not matter to them in the end. Afterall, in their belief system, they are convinced they are going to a better place in the end.
Reply #1583 from Stardock Forums Top
Quick update: Staffa just became the first player to break the 100,000 point barrier!

:CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT: :CONGRAT:

Congrats - and now: on to ONE MILLION for GROSS!
Reply #1585 from Stardock Forums Top
The master returns for a brief visit to show how it's done, and then takes a play from the other team's book. Interesting. Looks like comebacks are definitely true in both boxing and the Metaverse.

To Staffa! :CONGRAT:
Reply #1588 from Stardock Forums Top
Haha! I finally made it into the top 3! Well third place at least....worked hard during the weekend for it. Just barley passed Pontius. Though I don't expect it to last for long. I'll just enjoy my moment of glory for a few hours :CONGRAT:
Reply #1589 from Stardock Forums Top
congrats staffa, can't wait till ray makes it up there and i cant wait till im top 100 again...take a month off and im in 500th place... :notsure:
Reply #1591 from Stardock Forums Top
EBZ: Tiny maps now? Even more superhuman efficiency? You'll be finishing maps between mouthfuls of dinner, next! :D
Reply #1592 from Stardock Forums Top
The Ship of Doom: Anger Management Focus Group

“OK everyone: group hug.”

The pirates coyly and hesitantly reached towards each other. Within seconds they were hugging and silently weeping. This had been a moment of discovery for each of them.

“Don’t touch me there” roared EBZM suddenly.

The mediator looked concerned and hurried over.

“Well his hand slipped!”
“I didn’t mean to”, said stealthfrequency nervously. “I didn’t mean to touch your bloody love handles”.
“That’s it” yelled EBZM, “I’m not gonna hug any more bloody princesses. Oh. Um…”

After the Battle: Ray the Wanderer

Our Ray is a driven wizard thought Miles. He works hard and he plays hard.

Miles was naturally gregarious but his height did cause him to make friends slowly. As Ekaterin said: “A lot of people just don’t see you down there”. Miles would grin at this and just try harder.

Ray on the other hand achieved pretty much everything he set out to achieve. There was no business in the Southern hemisphere that didn’t tremble when they heard The Wanderer was gonna visit.

Yet, Ray was in a fairly typical love triangle. Perhaps not one of his making: perhaps one he had tried to avoid. However, as the Nemesis of Ray was often heard to say: “You can pick your friends but you can’t always pick your enemies”. Well, perhaps ‘love’ was a misnomer, more an emotion the other way. The Nemesis of Ray had a particular antipathy towards Ray, which Ray pretty much found easy to ignore. Ray, on the other hand…

Miles shuddered. He had seen The Wanderer’s incoherent and violent rages at close hand and knew that The Wanderer was not one to be crossed, even lightly. And he had been badly crossed by the pirates. His unholy and ineffectual alliance with the MWC had been a mistake. Miles knew the little people of the Fellowship were going to pay big time as a result and that made Miles very afraid.

Ray turned and glared at the meeting. “No more Mister Nice Guy” he spat, venomously.

The little people cowered, as is their lot in life.
Reply #1593 from Stardock Forums Top
Yes EBZM, well done on ya top 3! I celebrated by doing a tongue-in-cheek story for you. Totally tongue-in-cheek! :D
Reply #1594 from Stardock Forums Top
What a weekend it was. I'm about to have a cup of hot chocolate to celebrate. Let us see what the new week brings. Particularly as Ray the Wanderer is putting the boot in to his little people. Plus the party is coming up. See ya 'round.
Reply #1595 from Stardock Forums Top
Congrats "Into the Top Three" Overlord EBZ!!!
End of quote


Errrr, shouldn't that be Senator? :notsure:

Yes EBZM, well done on ya top 3! I celebrated by doing a tongue-in-cheek story for you. Totally tongue-in-cheek!
End of quote


Killa, feel free to call me EBZ. The 'M' at the end just doesn't look right. Thanks for the story
:)

And thanks to all those that gave me congrats, I do appreciate it!
Reply #1597 from Stardock Forums Top
This Is Senator Darth Bob with post 1600 news.....

I'm still not even in the top 200 does anyone have some scoring tips or tips in general so I can get a higher place quicker because I'm not that good and my games used to get me alot of points but now they hardly help at all
[Message Edited]
Reply #1598 from Stardock Forums Top
has anyone added to the War of the worlds thread lately because if they haven't I think the next submission should be from someone in G.R.O.S.S
[Message Edited]
Reply #1599 from Stardock Forums Top
Bob, If you want to score bigger, you have to play the game through everything. I suspect you're conquering too fast and not building your empire, getting substantially through the tech tree scores more points. Also getting more wonders and trade goods scores more points. Hope that helps.