I feel that the introduction given doesn't set a tone for the realm the players are going to have to immerse themselves in, not that there’s anything particularly wrong with the current one. However some players enjoy the back round information, which facilitates the immersion process and so its easier to digest what’s going on. The current introduction is also fine if you intend the game to be a "One hit wonder", because once you're a god... well how do you beat that? But if you intend on having a sequel or two which is believable with a decent story you may want to invest in some more writing, particularly when expanding the game in sequels you'll want to give something new that hasn't been seen.
My own creation is the following story... it’s not the most correct story but there are some idea's in it which may prove to be useful. It also gives the opportunity for at least 2 sequels, "The Return of the Progenitor", and "The Dark Beyond".
A long, long time ago, when the earths and the heavens were born, back to the very beginning of all things, from which existence is torn, come the ancients, born from the stars and giants of all things dark and light, which from their magnitude and powers forged their might. All things physical and not, things near and beyond collided, so emerged the ancients, born of all things… the cataclysmic birth of life and sire of existence.
The clockwork of existence would come and pass yet the ancients would always remain. Playful in their youth and as time passed wise and knowledgeable, of all things, all things, but that which was beyond, that which their burning eyes could not pierce, their minds reach and from which nothing they sent would return. So it was the ancient the Avellon who would agree to go to the beyond, and return to tell what lay there.
The Avellon burned a fiery red and set toward the beyond, that which seemed so difficult to reach, the Avellon twisted and shaped, and tore and mended and plunged into the beyond, into its darkness, and shadow, the red glow faded, slowly into black… The ancients grew fearful for the first time in their existence, never before had an ancient gone further than they could see… An age passed, then two, then 5 and on the 7th a star shone from the beyond, a fiery red.
Each moment the fiery red grew closer and closer, until it was upon the ancients, not the Avellon but the ancients fiery red eyes, most prided gift of the Avellon freely given, and from the red eyes poured a vision of the beyond, Avellon the ancient’s battle against the darkness which lasted 7 ages, of destruction, of dark lords, and bent places, vast armies, which flowed like the void into places unseen, beyond. Out of the fading vision came the last words of the Avellon, “They are coming”. So was the passing of Avellon the ancient.
The life of the heavens burned and the ancients burst with emotion, fury, storm and pain. A meeting was held and the ancients quickly agreed that they must seek power and create armies in order to prepare themselves for the onslaught of the darkness from the beyond. The ancients agreed not to pass into the beyond again, lest they be killed or accidently call the darkness upon them, as far as they knew the beyond had no knowledge of the remaining ancients, nor the ability to reach them.
Some ancients set out to scour all existence to find greater power or forge weapons to fight the darkness beyond, some travelled so far that only the friendship of the ancient could be felt. Others gave a part of themselves, a gift, of life to create an army, and so life began, organic, non-organic, mechanical, spiritual, elemental and others, they allowed life to change and adapt in order to survive. The life would evolve, and compete with other life and fight to become the dominant and powerful, the purpose of life was to eventually become a force as powerful as the ancient, their unstoppable army, at times the gods would test the power of their creations, failures would suffer extinction, those who endured and adapted would survive. Only the most powerful would be fit for legions of the ancients.
Some ancients would give a large part of themselves to structure a demigod, demigods exhibited certain traits and characteristics of their creators, but not all. Where the ancient was all powerful, the Demigod would suffer the same tests and hardships of all other life, they had to survive to live. Demigods were favored by both lower life forms and the ancients. Demigods were chosen by the ancients, and were praised and followed by lower life forms. To the ancients, the demigods would eventually lead their armies and become all powerful themselves, and if called for succeed the ancient, if the ancient was to die and pass to Avellon.
Though the Avellon was destroyed, the ancients still feel whispers of the Avellon at times, the ancients have come to believe the Avellon to be at a place of rest which is beyond their reach, they call this place Avellon in respect to the fallen ancient.
One of the ancients the Progenitor grew curious of the beyond, and wished to know more about their dark enemy, in an effort to try and find some weakness, or power to use against it. For in his wisdom the Progenitor knew that knowing their enemy and its weaknesses would be to their advantage, but within his heart grew fear, fear that the armies of the beyond were far greater than their own. It was this fear that drove the Progenitor to carelessly call into the beyond to see if something could be learned.
His call did not go unnoticed, there was a reply, a voice from the dark, though it was not threatening or dangerous in any way. The ancient asked if the voice was willing to teach him something about itself, the voice replied “Yes”, but only if the Progenitor was willing to teach it something about him. Secrets were shared, and it was not long before the progenitor was caught by the other ancients.
A second gathering was called, and all ancients came together to decide the fate of their brother, never had an ancient broken any law, however few laws there were, it had not been done before. The Progenitor laid his case before the other ancients and admitted his guilt, the other ancients questioned what secrets had been learned from this voice from the beyond… secrets only the ancients now know.
It was found by the gathering that the Progenitor had alerted the forces beyond, to his existence and allowed himself to be tainted by the beyond, the Progenitor was sent to protect the passage to the beyond, and act as the first line of defense. Many ancients had not decided yet, if they would fight with their brother, or leave him to fight any forces who would come forth from the beyond. Some ancients believe that if the Progenitor were to be destroyed by the forces from the beyond, that they would have no reason to travel any further in order to find more life, and in any case only an ancient could achieve this feat. The Progenitor agreed to act as the first line of defense and vowed not to communicate with the beyond, the ancient pleaded for his armies which he had created, for his armies not to be destroyed, the ancients agreed that Progenitors creations were not to blame, and that his vast armies would prove useful in times to come and agreed with the Progenitors plea.
This did however, lead to a problem, who was to take over the Progenitors armies, should they at all and how would they be divided. The remaining ancients found the Progenitors life beings strange and different to their own, and were not favored. The gathering learned that the ancient had gifted several Demigods, Demigods retained sufficient divinity to stand for ascension, the council agreed that the Demigods, because they are required to suffer the hardships of living beings, would fight for dominion and the most powerful among them would ascend to become an ancient.
The gathering was concluded and the events were set into motion, messengers were sent were sent to all places of the Progenitor's dominion, light, and unknown to the ancient’s dark. You are among the Progenitor’s Demigods, summoned to Rokkur, with any armies under your command, should you have any. There you shall throw down your brothers and sisters in the arena’s and earn your ascension as an ancient or become servant to one.
Sorry about any spelling or grammer mistakes, but tough cookies, i'm suppose to be working right now anyway...