Ah, hang on, is spamming (fragmented?) UDP packets (apparently something called an "opentear attack"), like the Stardock server does, something that would be detected and blocked by an SPI Firewall?
Potentially, yes. The router would have to inspect (SPI = stateful packet inspection) the packets to determine how they're fragmented. A false positive for that attack on the Demigod/Impulse packets would definitely cause this. That said, I haven't really looked at a trace of the game's traffic to see if it could possibly be considered an attack, but if someone reports that it has been detected as such, it may very well be that others would detect it that way. I have to admit, this is kind of a stretch, but it seems stretching is required at this point. A good analogy would be the differential diagnoses on the show House
my router doesn't even have a "SPI Function" to begin with I've disabled the router Firewall, but that isn't an SPI Firewall - i guess.
On the other hand I cannot change what the router opens, to my system. I can only change which ports the router forwards directly. So if I open Port 6000 the router should open port 6000 TCP and UDP. I'm using a Zyxel Prestige 660HW-67 Firmware V3.40(QD.8).
Try enabling SIP ALG. Also, are you in SUA or Full-featured mode when you aren't in modem-only? SUA may work better for you. This said, it's really not clear that they allow you to forward UDP, given there isn't an option. Still, I think others have had some luck with this router line if they get the settings just right.
Also, why did it work before?
Couldn't tell you, unless it has something to do with implementation of session initiation protocol application layer gateway (SIP ALG) in new patches. Again, I wish I had the time to look at some traces. Trying to finish school without getting too distracted here.
edit:
I've changed my router to "modem mode" that means my router is working as a DSL modem only. I started the game, custom games, klicked join, and voila - i got in. However, that means only one pc can connect to the internet via PPPoE and that isn't a good solution for me. so my "router" (router mode) must somehow block incoming udp connections, right? But why did PfPortchecker from portforward.com say: "Your Port is open!" .. WTF? Is there some way to check that? It's an older router - so that maybe the reason - but I never had any problems with it.
Unsurprising--at least you've successfully narrowed the issue. You may want to invest a small amount of money in a decent router to use for connection sharing and keep that thing in modem-only mode. There may be other complications to doing this; it may be worth it, though. Realize I'm hesitant to recommend you buying something else especially if it's just going to cause you more problems, time, and money. But on the other hand, from what I can tell, routing on that thing blows.
Successful connection at first (and always only one) - then suddenly it's just lost/failed.
I'm starting to feel more and more that dropped connections are dropped on purpose by the firewall when they see something they don't like. What is your router, desktop security software?